What will be said about you(me) after you're (I'm) gone? What type of legacy will you(I) leave? Who will care about what I have to say? Sigh.
This goes back to my last post about wasting time. You can read about that here if you like. But today's ponderings were different.
I admitted my unbelief.
Not my basic belief in God, but my very own, heartfelt Yes Lord, You know that I believe You belief.
I have these moments.
And God knows I struggle with these moments.
They don't last long,usually, and in hindsight, I can see He's been there all the time...but today, I struggled...and wondered, "What kind of legacy does my unbelief leave behind?"
And He began to speak. I found myself in Exodus, fully prepared to do a long journal-writing-devotional time, when I got interrupted. Phone calls, appointments, and unexpected stops broke up my carefully planned time of study. "Again Lord?", I whined, as both He and I knew my tendency to do so.
And I went back to read what I had written:
I admit...my unbelief...You are bringing this issue to my forefront again Lord, so I need to address it as the bigger sin issue it is. I can so easily encourage others to see Your hand in this matter, why can I not see Your hand in it for me? Do I believe You won't supply? Do I believe just because I can't see it, that it is impossible?
As I was writing these very words in my journal, the scriptures exploded in my mind- Do I believe You won't supply? I will supply all your needs according to My riches in Heaven. Do I believe just because I can't see it, that it's impossible? Nothing is impossible for Me.
In Exodus 33:11-14(NIV), the footnotes say Moses relied wholeheartedly on God's wisdom and direction. Wholeheartedly is the word that jumped out at me today. I want to serve God wholeheartedly as Moses did. In verse 13 Moses said "If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know You and continue to find favor in You. Later, in verse 14 the Lord replied "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Instead of beating my self up (again) because my 'day got disrupted' (again), I caught a glimpse of what God wanted me to accomplish today.
•I got DEEP in His Word and made it my own... •I encouraged people today... •I did the job He has given me to do.
I cannot serve Him any more wholeheartedly than that.