Introspection: A Look Back

I always seem to get introspective at this time of year. I think it has something to do with my birthday, the memories of school starting, (going back to school was always a lousy Birthday present for me as a child) and the coming Autumn weather.

Fall has always been my favorite time of year; I have great clothes for this weather. Corduroys, sweaters, and still being able to drive with the roof down on my car are a trifecta that always puts a smile on my face.

My thoughts start to drift, however, to what I've accomplished in the last year, and what prospects the coming year hold. Last year at this time I was excited, and scared, beyond belief at the aspect of flying for the first time to New Mexico alone to attend a writer's conference, knowing this was what the LORD had for me to do.

I had a great time and became a published author because of that conference. I also came home with about forty new friends, writers all, and an unmistakable inner peace that assured me GOD had a plan for to speak. My artwork was also involved, and that talent in my life, buried for so many years, began to blossom and refused to lie dormant any longer.

I have since lost my full time job due to the economy, which has forced me to discipline myself to do my artwork on a regular schedule, rather than fitting it in 'when I have time'.

This has opened up a whole new area I find myself lacking; my self-discipline. I seem unable to tackle it with any regularity. I, who can be so disciplined in other areas, like car maintainence, laundry and cooking, even documenting medication side effects, cannot seem to master things like reading my Bible every day and setting apart time to work on art projects.

I seem to wallow in the "do I want it bad enough? or the "am I good enough to do this? mire. The more I write these thoughts in my journal, the more I can recognize the whispers of the enemy of my soul. Satan does not want me to succeed. These are tricks he uses to get my mind off of what God told me and showed me at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico. Back in 2004, I highlighted this in my Bible. It is from a footnote from Isaiah 40:12-31 - "Don't limit His work in your life by underestimating Him." I wrote beneath it, "and what He can do through me. I CAN do this thing You are asking; to help others by what You have taught me. Thank You Lord, for Your never ending love!"

Spending more time with my Bible and earnestly seeking His Word and direction are the top priority now.

Psalm 40:12(NIV) says it best - "I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."